There was a lad from Tennessee,
Who liked their bout of fantasy.
When they found they could fuck,
They thought "Oh what luck!"
And neglected to think about jealousy.
I get jealous okay!! Non monogamy is not all sunshine and rainbows, but I have to say it's worth it for the liberation. My go-to cry in the car song is "Someone New" by Hozier, because it speaks to me. I do feel that I fall in love every day. Maybe that's why I'm so spacy, I've been falling for 26 years. I do have an addictive personality, courtesy of my family lineage, and I have come to realize that I have experienced limerence with many people over my years as a slut. It starts with intense romantic feelings, setting unrealistic expectations, wanting to talk every second of the day, picturing the future with the other person or persons. Then, the spell is broken, the hearts stop popping out of my eyes, and I have to make amends for those I hurt in the process.
I'm a student of life and constantly learning how I work. Even now, I crave the partnership I see in couples. I want a best friend, a pal and a confidant. I am extremely fortunate in the friend department. I love them all (and some of them I get to make love to!) The jealously I feel, it's like a child that didn't get picked but still got to join the schoolyard games. It stings, but I still have fun. Sometimes it takes a while for the sting to go away, especially if my brain has perceived previous interactions as more sentimental than the other party involved. Relationships of any kind have layers! It can take me a moment to figure these out, or never figure them out.
It may be months, years, (or it may never happen) before I find my person or persons. I have likened myself to the aromantic spectrum, given my history of leaving people once limerence fades. I am enjoying my time now, navigating this new world and this new body. I can't wait for more fun!
At the end of the day, I know I've got me.
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