Alchemical Fire

 What’s stopping me from sewing? From painting? From writing? From reading? From swimming? From kayaking? From hiking? From worship? From ritual? 

Why can’t I get my brain to focus on one thing for longer than 5 minutes? 

I tell myself that I’m great at multitasking, but really I’m great at switching from one task to another, back and forth and so on. Why do I find myself reaching for creature comforts of a phone with little gay people in it, a rose toy with various speeds, and herbal refreshments? Is my dopamine response in my head so burnt out that I need quick hits every few minutes or else I start to get irritable? This is ringing a bell….addiction? Depression? Boredom? 

It can’t be that last one, surely…I have so many things to entertain myself with! And yet, I choose the little OLED rectangle instead of a rich plethora of other outlets. I know I am not the only 20-something that feels this way. I should be able to snap out of it, right? How about I transform my quick hits into slow strangles, hm? Why don’t I reach out to my friends and tell them about my crafts? Wouldn’t that be nice? I should find that creative fire and transform my moping about into something beautiful, or scary, or wicked, or sinful, or kind, shouldn’t I?

hmmmmmmmmmmm now that I review my blog posts I suspect there may be a path to burnout I am on or maybe possibly depression. I shall consult the oracle about this.

Edit: The oracle said I need therapy