Trains, Herbs, Trauma, & Strings

Sometimes I will zone out in conversations that I need to be dialed in to. 

My eyes will start to cross, I will yawn, my mind will wander to something that doesn’t have anything to do with the topic at hand. I think I’ve learned to stifle these issues enough to go unnoticed, except by me. I notice that I can’t keep things in my brain for a long time, unless its the most random bit of information, a string to follow to the source. Everything ends up working out, but it could be done faster if I found the giant yarn ball first instead of waiting for it to unravel before me. I believe substance abuse is behind this. My nightly ritual, a pipe full of Baphomet’s Broccoli, will need to be saved for special occasions. 

I hear trauma can also cause memory loss? Ask anyone and they will each give you an answer as to why you are the way that you are and what you can do to fix it. I try to live in the solution; figure out what works as soon as possible and move on. The problem doesn’t always go away or get fixed, but I learn how to adapt or make it easier. I’m very resourceful that way. You gotta be when you’re ridiculed for having needs. Anyway. 

Oh yeah I’ve been losing my train of thought a lot too! I’ll be having a great conversation with someone and I’ll be halfway through a story when I realize that the train has decided to take a [st]roll through the woods instead of staying on my albeit winding track. Then I ask my conversation partner to help me back it up; in a way it’s a good listening strategy? I need repetition repetition repetition to get things to stick in my brain. Trains, herbs, trauma, strings…all these things wrapped up into a big hairy ball of flesh I call home.