Drowning

I've always thought about what it'd be like to drown. Each instance that I have of swallowing water and sinking have been terrifying to say the least. I remember dropping down into the deep end of the pool, holding onto the bottom of the ladder to get out. I held my breath until my lungs started burning, and when I couldn't hold it anymore I let the bubbles rush out of me, propelling me upward. I remember swimming in the river, high in the mountains so the water was clear. I stuffed rocks into my swim suit so I could look at the fish for longer with my snorkel and mask. I remember, at a different spot in that same mountain river, I tried to help a child not that much younger than me out of a current in the deep part of the stream pool. He climbed onto my back and was pushing me down, and I tried to scream "get off!" as I was thrashing trying to stay afloat. An adult came to both our rescues, and I clung to the side of a kayak catching my breath. I would've liked to be a mermaid. I wanted to be a good mermaid that healed people instead of drowning them. Eventually I got scared of murky water, not being able to see what lies below triggered something in me.