Performance

I let people see what they want to see. God knows I can’t control what other people think, try as I might. I have been thinking about this blog, and how I choose to share information about myself. I’m talking to a digital wall, so to speak. It’s nice to bounce ideas off of nobody, it’s another way I can talk to myself without being deemed insane. 

My father once told me, 

“It’s okay to talk to yourself. It’s okay to answer, too; but it’s not okay when you ask yourself to repeat what you said ‘cause you weren’t listening.” 

I’ve been thinking a lot about identity lately. How much of it is chosen and how much is inherited. I carry pieces of people I’ve loved, feared, admired, and resented. Sometimes I catch myself saying something and realize it’s not even mine. It’s a borrowed phrase, a hand-me-down thought from someone else, sometimes people I don’t even know. I feel like I’ve always tried to see the good in everyone, with some exceptions. This lead me to a few relationships of differing intensities that I should have thought twice about. I am a part of a super secret club that I can’t tell you about, and one of the things we try to do in this club is let go of control. We also say, progress not perfection. I’m still trying to figure myself out! I’m a growing boy (25) and I am on a journey of self discovery. I can pick away at my brain and body until I find something, but it may be just what I thought it was. Bones and blood.